


Snapshots

by sirknightmordred



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Car Accidents, Coming Out, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hand Jobs, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Multi, Panic Attacks, Parties, Past Rape/Non-con, Romance, Self-Hatred, Smut, Studying, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-17 02:13:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11841825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sirknightmordred/pseuds/sirknightmordred
Summary: Moments from Magnus and Alec's life at college.





	1. AUGUST/SEPTEMBER

**Author's Note:**

> Tags will be added as the story progresses. I edit as best as I can, so if you see a mistake, let me know. I also have a lot of free time on my hands at the moment, so I'll be updating often.

 They’re spread out on Alec’s bed. Books and papers everywhere. Highlighters and pens, sticky notes and paperclips. Their laptops are there as well in front of each of them. Magnus’s is balanced on his lap as he alternates from typing something on his computer to writing things down. Alec on the other hand is typing away furiously as his laptop sits in front of him. Occasionally he’ll glance over to a large stack of papers, flipping through, checking his facts. It’s way past midnight, but neither stops their work, too emerged and occupied, hoping to get it done in time for their next class.

“Dammit.” Alec groans as he pushes his laptop away, his hands clenched together.

 Magnus looks up, confused, curious, and concerned. “What is it?”

“I can’t relate the thesis back to the main points. It’s not worded right. I don’t know. I’m not good with words.”

 Magnus smiles fondly. “Here, let me.”

 Before Alec can protest, Magnus has his laptop in hand and is rewording his thesis for him. It takes only a few minutes before Alec’s laptop is back in his hands. He looks to Magnus, gratefully. “Thank you.”

“Of course, darling, we’re working together for a reason. So we can help each other.”

“I haven’t even done anything to help you.”

“Quite the contrary.” Magnus says with a flirtatious smile. “Your handsome features keep me going.”

 Alec blushes under his gaze, and whether it’s the tiredness or the growing feel in his chest, he reaches over and kisses him softly on his cheek. He would have given him a proper kiss if it wasn’t for their work that they needed to get done. It can get a little distracting otherwise.

 Magnus hums in appreciation and they soon get back to their essays.

…

 They’re out for coffee this time, Alec got one without sugar or cream, black as the night sky. Magnus on the other hand got tea he’s never been much of a coffee drinker. It’s a Sunday, warm and inviting in the small café. There aren’t many people as on Sunday’s most like to spend their last day before classes either relaxing at home/in their dorms or finishing last minute assignments. Since Alec and Magnus had finished everything yesterday, they’re enjoying a day out. A date, if you will. Something they haven’t done in a while due to the vast amounts of school work.

 Their first meeting was a month ago when Izzy dragged Alec to a party he didn’t want to go to. A party Magnus was hosting. After that they went on a first date that was the most awkward, yet amazing date that Magnus has ever been. Alec on the other hand couldn’t compare as his date with Magnus was his first date ever. When he met him at the party he felt a pang in his heart, a connection that was formed. He’s never told Magnus this yet, nor has Magnus said anything like that either, but he felt it too.

“So what’s new, Alexander?” Magnus asks.

 Alec smiles. “Nothing right now. Max got his brown belt actually.”

“That’s great news! Tell him congratulations from me.”

“I will.”

 They pause, neither knowing what to say next, it’s been so long since they’ve been face to face alone. Most times they’re studying together or with other friends in a group. It’s hard to make time, especially for school but they’re trying because that connection was and is so strong. Because Alec feels his heart race and his palms sweaty when he’s around him. Because Magnus wants to touch Alec any chance he can get, that his own heart races too.

“So I was wondering if- if you would want to come with me to my friend Lydia’s wedding.” Alec says nervously. “I think I mentioned her before.”

 Magnus is a little taken a back. A wedding. That’s pretty serious. “Of course, I’d love to.”

 Alec smiles, nodding his head in relief.

 Magnus smiles as he reaches out and takes Alec’s hand. Alec blushes but holds on, still smiling himself.

“You said that Catarina, Ragnor, and Raphael were your closest friends?” Alec asks. “Tell me about them.”

 Magnus feels touched that he remembered. “Well, I’ve known them most of my life. Ragnor since I was seven and Catarina when I was seventeen. Raphael’s mother was close with mine. We bonded over…”

 Alec listens intently, interested in everything Magnus has to say.

…

 It’s a month and a half when the subject of whether or not they’re just ‘seeing each other’ or if they’re dating and can call each other boyfriends comes up. It’s a cloudy day and they’re in Alec’s dorm. They were watching a movie on the small portable DVD player of Magnus’s when the questions arose. It was Alec who brought it up, remembering something his sister said earlier. Whether he and Magnus were serious or not, that brought on a whole new catastrophe of thoughts that just wouldn’t leave him alone. Izzy always did say he overthinks things.

“Are- Are we dating?” Alec says, averting his eyes slightly.

“I was under the impression that we were, Alexander. After all we’ve been seeing each other for over a month.” Magnus says, carefully. “As to if you’re my boyfriend or not, well I’d much prefer you to be. If you’re okay with that?”

 Alec looks up smiling. “More than okay.”

 Magnus leans in and kisses Alec for a few seconds longer than usual. When he pulls back Alec is blushing and his smile lights up his features, similar to Magnus’s own. Their hands seem to find each other over the bed covers, as they are sitting on the bed when they were watching the movie. Magnus than leans down on Alec’s shoulder. Immediately Alec moves his arm to wrap around Magnus’s back, bringing him closer.

“What shall we watch next? Mean girls or Brokeback Mountain?” Magnus asks.

“Doesn’t matter. Whatever you want.” Alec answers, the warmth of Magnus filling him.

 Magnus chuckles. “Well I’m not sure if you would enjoy Mean Girls, so let’s watch Brokeback Mountain. Is that okay, darling?”

“Yeah.”

 They put the movie in, and two hours later when Alec tries to hide the tears welling up in his eyes, Magnus brings him close. Hugging him as he whispers with his own tears falling, “It’s okay to cry, Alexander.”

 Alec hugs him back, kissing his shoulder in appreciation and gratefulness. He’s always been taught that crying is a weakness. That emotions are a weakness, but sitting here, wrapped in Magnus’s arms, maybe some weakness is okay. Or maybe this isn’t a weakness at all.

“Thank you.”


	2. OCTOBER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read the tags, as I do add more as the story progresses.

 As it turns out Magnus loves Halloween. Alec’s never been a big fan, he’d rather spend his time planning for Christmas or Easter, but Magnus loves Halloween. So when he tells him he’s throwing a party, of course Alec has to come. What kind of boyfriend would he be if he didn’t? The only problem is he has to dress up, and face large crowds again. He hasn’t told Magnus, but those kinds of things make him nervous, anxious even. Luckily his sister helps him pick out a costume that isn’t terrible and promises not to leave him alone.

 Alec feels kind of guilty for that when they walk into the house, but Izzy seems to not mind. She starts talking about how amazing everything looks and Alec nods his head, agreeing. Magnus has a great eye for decorations and fashion, Alec’s spent hours watching him plan this party and others since they started dating. He doesn’t understand half of it, but Magnus lights up when he’s talking about it, so Alec is happy too.

“Hello, gorgeous.” Magnus says, kissing Alec briefly. “Or should I say James Dean?”

 Alec blushes at that. “You look good.”

 And he really does. He’s wearing dark pants and a shirt with starts all over it, but it’s a little more complicated than that. Not something Alec could describe. His usual makeup is done up even more, enhancing his features to extremes, and to top it all of he has a pointed hat on.

“I’m a warlock.” He says smiling.

“Very clever.” Clary says smiling, too.

“I love those pants.” Isabelle says. “Where did you get them?”

“I designed and made them myself. Snazzy aren’t they?”

 Alec nods his head as Magnus and his sister discuss clothing and fabric. How the pants were made and how he came up with the idea, as well as the shirt. Alec gets a little lost when they start talking about clothes, and fashion, but he’s glad that Magnus gets along well with Izzy. He doesn’t know what he would do if he didn’t.

“I see Simon.” Clary says when the conversation dips. “I’m going to go catch up with him.”

 She walks away and Magnus looks to both of the Lightwoods. “So, same rules, no sex, and I must confiscate any car keys.”

“We took a cab.” Isabelle interjects. “But I see Melliron, so I’ll leave you two, if that’s okay?”

 She says it to them both, but Alec knows she’s really asking him.

“Yeah. Yeah, go have fun.” Alec says.

“Now that we’re alone, would you like to dance, Alexander?” Magnus asks, a hopeful expression on his face, making Alec’s heart drop.

“I- I don’t know how.”

“It’s easy, I’ll lead.”

 But before Alec can protest a plate is shattered off to the right, causing someone to curse loudly. Magnus looks to Alec apologetically. “I’m sorry, darling, but I must see what happened. It is my party after all, I’ll be right back.”

 Alec nods his head and Magnus is gone through the sea of people. That’s when it really starts to set in for Alec. When he realizes where he is, what he’s doing. The noise and people all around him. Unfamiliar faces surrounding him. Alec’s heart begins to race, his palms sweaty as he starts to feel light headed. His knees become weak as he starts to climb the staircase, up and away to a bathroom. Hopefully he can hang out there until Magnus or Izzy texts him, wondering where he is. Logically he should just text Izzy now, or even Clary or Simon. Hell, even Maia’s supposed to be here, but he doesn’t want to interrupt them. He doesn’t want to spoil their fun. And Magnus has to take care of that glass or dish or whatever it was that shattered.

 Alec’s heart continues to beat faster as he takes the steps two at a time. Soon he’s on the second floor and wandering down the halls. There’s hardly nobody up here, most of the part on the main floor. He tries different rooms, finding no such luck as his breath starts to become erratic. His legs barely holding him up as he finally turns a door knob and piles in. He closes it behind him, locking it, and falls to the ground. That’s when the panic really starts to set in.

 His arms hold out to find the edge of a bathtub. He holds on tightly as he gasps and gasps to breathe. Why can’t he breathe? All those people. All around him. The noise and energy. The fact that he was all alone, no one he knew to lean on, to focus on. He was trapped- he is trapped. God, breathe. He needs to breathe. He’s so distracted that he doesn’t even notice the presence in front of him. The presence, the guy to be more precise sits down and starts talking.

“Breathe.” The guy says, his face concerned. “Match my breathing, okay? You’re safe here. No one else is here. Just you and me. Breathe.”

 It takes a while. Maybe fifteen minutes before his breathing evens out and his heart starts beating more slowly. His palms are still sweaty and he feels dizzy. He’s light head and exhausted, like he ran a marathon. All he wants is to lay down in his bed, curled up, alone. Safe and alone. Maybe put in a movie to focus on or not to focus on. Maybe just for white noise. He needs to get out of here.

“Thank you.” Alec says, still a little breathless.

 The man nods his head. “Is there someone I can call for you?”

 Alec thinks about it, and then shakes his head no as he attempts to stand up. It’s uncoordinated and he almost falls twice. His legs even more shaky than before. The man reaches out, ready to catch him if he falls. Before Alec leaves the bathroom, he turns back to the stranger.

“Do you know Magnus?” Alec asks.

“Yes.” The man says, curiously. “Why?”

“I’d text him but I- Just can you let him know that I wasn’t feeling well and had to go home. That I’m sorry. My name is Alec.”

“The Alec?”

 The Alec? What is he talking about? Alec’s eyebrows rise in confusion.

“I can call him for you.” The man says. “I’m Raphael. I live with him.”

 Oh. This is Raphael. Alec’s never met him. He takes night classes and has a part-time job. It’s been difficult for Magnus to introduce them.

“No. It’s fine. I- He’s busy.”

“Alec. Magnus would want to be here, for you. He cares about you. Trust me.”

 Alec looks down, contemplating. He finally nods his head but says, “Don’t tell him about this- about-”

 Understanding crosses Raphael’s features. “I’ll tell him you got sick.”

“Thanks.”

 A few minutes later when Magnus makes his way to the bathroom, he looks worried and almost panicky. It makes Alec’s chest hurt and the guilt to crawl back into his stomach.

“I’m sorry.” Alec says immediately, leaning on the wall for support.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, darling. Come on, I’ll take you home.” Magnus says reaching toward him, wrapping his arm around his back.

“Magnus, you don’t have to-”

“I want to. Raphael and Ragnor can take care of the party. You’re more important.”

 Magnus looks to Raphael when he says the first part, Raphael nodding his head in confirmation, than to Alec at the last part.

“Okay.” Alec relents, leaning on Magnus as they walk out of the bathroom.

 Later when they’re curled up in Alec’s bed, a movie playing in the DVD player that used to be Magnus’s but now seems to have found a place at Alec’s, Magnus snoring softly beside him, Alec kisses him gently on this jaw, then his neck, thanking every God out there that he found this amazing man. Even if he sometimes feels like he doesn’t deserve it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always welcome and appreciated.


	3. NOVEMBER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New tags have been added, please read those before reading this. If you are worried about the new tags, please read the end notes for a better explanation before reading. This chapter does deal with a lot of dark themes.

Alec hasn’t heard from Magnus in four days. No texts or phone calls. No communication whatsoever. Even his Facebook, Instagram, snapchat, they’re all silent. Alec’s nerves, his anxiety starts to act up as he thinks about all of the horrible possibilities. How maybe Magnus got hurt and no one knew. Or maybe he was abducted, kidnapped. What if he’s so sick that he can’t call anyone? The thoughts race around in Alec’s head as he sits on his bed, trying to write another essay. His leg bounces up and down nervously. He should just go over, right? But what if Magnus doesn’t want to see him? Maybe-

 His phone beeps, interrupting the never ending thoughts. Alec quickly picks up the phone hoping it to be Magnus. For him to say he got lost in his designing, or that a project for class took up all his time. Anything, but the worst. When Alec looks at his phone he sees that it’s an unknown number that has texted him. He swipes right to see the full message, and his heart falls into his chest.

_It’s Raphael. Magnus needs you._

 Alec jumps into action, his heart hammering in his chest as he hastily puts on his shoes and jacket while grabbing his keys. He runs out the door, almost forgetting to lock it on the way out and calls a Taxi with one hand, the other still trying to put his jacket on. The Taxi arrives soon after the call and Alec hops in, promising the driver extra money if he can make it to Magnus’s house in less than twenty minutes. The driver nods and true to his word they make it there in fifteen. Record timing. Alec quickly pays him and runs up to the door. He knocks hurriedly.

 It takes a few minutes before Raphael answers the door, his face grim. “Come in. He’s downstairs.”

 Alec follows him through the door into the house. Raphael shuts and locks the door before leading Alec downstairs to a lounge. It’s dark, the curtains closed, and the lights dim. Alec can make out a huddled mass under many blankets on one of the couches. He walks forward and sees those distinctive eyes he loves so much. They don’t have their usual spark or happiness, they’re dull and saddened. It makes Alec’s heart hurt as he walks over, almost running.

“Mags.” Alec says, softly.

 Magnus looks up. “What are you doing here?”

The sound of his voice breaks Alec’s heart. “Raphael texted me... What happened?”

“I- I just found out that my father died.” Magnus admits, looking to the far wall, seemingly at nothing.

 Alec sits down besides Magnus, his hand reaching out to his. Magnus grasps on tightly, interlocking their fingers. He holds on like his life depends on it. He’s not crying, but he might as well be. The sadness and pain emanate off of him like a strong odour. Alec is at a loss. He doesn’t know what to do. How to comfort him, how to make this better.

“What can I do?” Alec asks softly.

“Hold me?”

 Alec doesn’t hesitate to move the blanket, crawling underneath to join Magnus. He holds him in his arms. Magnus’s head lays on his chest as Alec pulls the blanket over them. He starts to rub circles into Magnus’s back, soft and gentle. Magnus buries his head into Alec’s shirt, than pulls away slightly. He looks pained as he opens and closes his mouth like he wants to say something but he doesn’t know how. Alec almost wants to say something to help, but he knows that it won’t help so he stops himself. If Magnus wants to talk, he will, and eventually he does.

“I’m- I’m not sad that he’s gone.” Magnus says matter-of-fact. “The opposite. I’m angry, I’m so angry and it hurts. Because what he did to my mom was– It was unthinkable. Then he dies of a heart attack, a free man. He deserves worse… My grief is not for him, it’s for my mom.”

 Magnus sniffles, tears threatening to fall now. Alec holds him closer.

“He raped her. That’s how I was conceived.” Magnus admits as tears start to stain Alec’s shirt, not that he cares as his heart breaks even more for this man he holds. “When I was nine, she couldn’t live with it anymore. She looked at me and saw what he did over and over so she killed herself.”

“Magnus… I’m so sorry.” Alec can’t help but say.

“Don’t be.” Magnus says, pushing back the tears. “It was my fault.”

“Hey.” Alec says, gently moving Magnus’s head up to look at him. “None of that was your fault. You did nothing wrong. It was your father. It’s his fault. Not yours. Okay?”

 Magnus doesn’t answer, instead he moves his head, his face buried into Alec’s shirt. The tears still fall, and Alec holds on tightly.

…

“Ahh!” Yells Magnus as he throws the plate across the room. It shatters into pieces. Alec, standing behind Magnus, flinches. His heart picks up as slight fear fills him.

“Magnus.” Alec says, nervously.

 Magnus ignores him, picking up more plates, more dishes. He throws them over and over. Alec’s helpless as he watches them smash and fall. He should do something, anything. Call Raphael, or Izzy, or even leave. But he can’t. He knows that Magnus wouldn’t want that, he knows that Magnus is just angry. That he needs to get it out of his system. Alec’s been there before.

 The last glass is thrown, Magnus’s shoulders and chest are heaving. Angry tears fill his vision as he looks at what he did. At what he destroyed, just like how he destroyed his mother. How he found her, bloody and hurt. Damaged, destroyed. Maybe it wasn’t his fault, but to him it will always feel like it was. He’ll always have some kind of guilt. How can he not? He destroys and destroys. He’s a monster, and now Alec has seen that. Kind, protective, sweet Alexander has seen how ugly he is. How unlovable he really is.

 His tears turn into sobs, and that’s when Alec steps in. He wraps his arms around Magnus, his stomach to Magnus’s back, holding him close as Magnus cries, frustrated, angry, and hurt. They stay like that for many minutes until Magnus finds himself practically in Alec’s lap, sitting on his kitchen floor, the ruins of the dishes scattered around them.

 He looks up to his boyfriend, his eyes and cheeks full of dried tears. “Why are you still here? Can’t you see that I’m a monster? Can’t you see how ugly I really am?”

 Alec frowns, hurt at how Magnus sees himself. At how he doesn’t see how amazing, how compassionate, how beautiful he is. How smart and inventive. Alec, with conviction in his voice says, “There is nothing ugly about you. You are not a monster Magnus, you’re the opposite. And I’m not going anywhere.”

 At those words, a fresh wave of tears comes to the surface for Magnus. Alec only hugs him close, not letting go as Magnus cries. He’s not going anywhere.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suicide and the Past Rape/non-con tag are there because it is talked heavily about. As well as a lot of self-hatred is talked about. Please skip this chapter if any of that makes you uncomfortable or possibly triggered. If you want a brief non descriptive summary of this chapter please do ask me on my tumblr blog @sirknightmordred.   
> And as always feedback is welcome and appreciated.


	4. DECEMBER

 Alec’s used to waking up early, a discipline he’s had since he was young and first went to school. Now in college he has at least three early classes each week. Most students would have opted out of those ones, preferring afternoon classes so they could sleep in all day, but Alec liked getting up early. When the sun was just rising. It was a custom, something that has stuck with him for a long time. So when, on the first day of holidays he wakes up to find the sun bathing his beautiful boyfriend next to him, he smiles, grateful for his inner alarm. Grateful to wake up to such a magnificent sight.

 Magnus is curled around him like his beloved cat, Chairman Meow. His arms wrapped loosely around Alec, his head nestled in between Alec’s shoulder and neck. His soft breaths in and out, tickling him slightly, but he doesn’t mind. He’s also not wearing a shirt, or anything else underneath, too exhausted last night to change. Alec blushes at the thoughts of what they did. He finds himself a little uncomfortable down below as he reminisces, but it wasn’t just about the physical, him and Magnus were emotionally and if he was a spiritual person, he would say spiritually connected. It wasn’t amazing as people might think, there were times where Alec wanted to die of embarrassment, moments where they both couldn’t help but laugh, and positions that had to be switched often before they could find their rhythm. But it was perfect for Alec in that imperfect way. It was his first time, and he couldn’t have asked for a better one.

 Alec can’t help but reach out and brush back some of Magnus’s hair, smiling as Magnus snuggles closer to him. Alec kisses the stop of his head and rests his hand on his warm back. The sun having made it a little extra warm despite the cold weather outside. Alec’s legs, he finds are tangled with Magnus’s, too, they seem to fit together almost perfectly like a puzzle, and it would be even more amazing if his arm wasn’t falling asleep. Or more like completely numb, pins and needles and all. His back is also a little sore from the night before, and don’t get him started on the morning breath he realizes is coming from him. But staring at Magnus like this, it’s worth it all, he- he loves this man.

 Alec swallows deeply at the confession, even if it’s only in his mind. He loves Magnus. His heart yearns for him, no matter how melodramatic that sounds. He misses him all the time when he’s not there. He hurts when Magnus hurts. He likes to touch him whenever he gets the chance. It’s almost grounding the way their skin connects. He feels his heart pull toward him. He feels like everything is going to be okay, he feels safe and warm. Magnus is likes the sun, always shining bright, and even when there is a cloudy day, he’s still beautiful.

“I love you, Magnus.” Alec whispers softly as he draws circles on his back again.

 A low grumble comes from said man, and Alec freezes. Oh no, did he hear him? Did he… What if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if he kicks him out and says it’s not like that? What if it’s too soon? What if…?

 Magnus leans back, looking up at Alec, a loving expression in his gaze, despite the morning soreness and cloud of sleep still surrounding him. There’s a soft smile on his lips as he leans in and kisses Alec. It’s soft and slow, and a little gross because of the morning breath that Magnus seems to have too, but it sends butterflies down Alec’s stomach, and Magnus’s heart speeds up. Magnus is filled with a love he’s never known, not with anyone.

“I love you, too, Alexander.”

…

“You should tell him, Alec.” Izzy insists over the phone as Alec walks further away from Magnus’s kitchen where he’s cooking.

“No, Iz, he doesn’t need to know.” Alec says, seriously.

“Alec, it’s not a bad thing. I’m sorry you have anxiety, big brother, but you shouldn’t have to go through it alone. You can talk to Magnus, he loves you.”

“I- I can’t. He won’t look at me the same.”

“Alec…” Izzy says exasperated.

“I said no.” Alec says firmly. “I’ll see you tomorrow at home.”

 He hangs up and turns to go back into the kitchen, but stops dead in his tracks. Magnus stands there, spatula in hand and a hurt look on his face. Alec gulps as he feels his heart fall through his chest, his palms start to sweat, and his heartbeat increases. The familiar guilt courses through him again as they stand there staring at each other, neither knowing what to say. After many moments, Magnus speaks up first.

“What- What are you keeping from me, Alec?” Magnus says, tensely. “I always knew that from you I could count on a hundred percent honesty.  Always.”

 Alec looks down, ashamed. “I’m sorry.”

“Well, what’s going on? What are you keeping from me? You’ve seen me at my worst, Alec. I’ve shown you everything- Things I’ve never told anyone. I’ve-”

“I have anxiety!” Alec yells out, then looks down and says more quietly, “At your Halloween party I wasn’t sick, I had a panic attack. Raphael found me and helped me calm down. I- I don’t do well in large crowds.”

 Magnus’s face falls. “But you’ve been going to my parties…”

“Yeah… You love planning them and what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t go with you?”

“Oh, angel.” Magnus says, walking closer, his hand coming up to Alec’s jaw, softly. “You could have told me. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I understand.”

“I’m sorry that I can’t-”

 “No. No, you have nothing to be sorry for, darling.”

 Magnus pulls Alec into a tight hug, the spatula still in hand.


	5. JANUARY

“You don’t have to do this, darling if you’re not ready.” Magnus says gently as he holds Alec close, side by side in front of his parent’s house.

“I know.” Alec says. “I need to do this.”

 Magnus nods, leaning up to kiss him one last time before they disentangle. Both agreed that the affection between them would stay platonic. There was only so much Maryse and Robert Lightwood could handle. Alec had been thinking and debating about this since he started dating Magnus. How was he going to tell his mother? His father? How would they react? Would they disown him? Stop paying his college bills? A fear that was all too real. He knows how much Clary and Simon stress and worry about their bills. Both coming from single parents who don’t own an empire like his. He knows how hard Maia works to be able to go to school. He knows how difficult it will be if he has to pay for everything. How he’ll have to get a job, one working nights probably, so that it’s more full time. The loans he’ll have to take out, the debt that will pile up. How will he ever pay something like that off?

“Are you okay, darling?” Magnus asks concerned as he sees the faraway expression on his boyfriend.

 Alec snaps out of his thoughts and turns to Magnus, attempting a smile as the anxiety flares up. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

 They walk into the house, it’s larger than Magnus’s and far grander. There are artworks and sculptors, rugs and curtains that must have cost thousands of dollars. The marble on the staircase, even more so. Magnus has money, his mom and stepfather left him a hefty sum, more like his stepfather did, but when he died it went to his mom. When she died it went to him, in a trust fund until he turned eighteen. Something he was angry about when he lived with the Santiago’s for the better part of his teenage years. He saw how hard Raphael’s mother struggled to take care of her nine children, not including him. Even with him and Raphael getting part-time jobs, money was still tight luckily when he turned eighteen all of the money was entrusted to him, plus a large house that he hasn’t had the heart to sell yet. He wanted to give lots of his money to Raphael’s mother, but she heartily refused. Instead he paid for Raphael’s college bills as well his own. He won that argument with Raphael by explaining that once he had a steady paying job he could help his family more. How could Raphael argue with that?

“Alec! You’re here, finally.” Says a dark haired woman as she walks into the room. She makes no attempt to hug Alec as she looks to Magnus. “And you brought a friend.”

“Yeah. Mom, this is Magnus.” Alec says, not correcting her on the friend part, not yet anyway. “Magnus, my mom Maryse.”

“Hello, welcome.” Maryse says almost forcefully, taking in his apparel. His usual stylish outfits, done up hair, and makeup.

“It’s lovely to meet you, Mrs. Lightwood.” Magnus says holding out a bottle of wine. “I hope this selection is okay.”

 Maryse takes it and smiles tersely as she thanks him and leads them both to the living room where the most of Alec’s family are. Isabelle of course comes up, hugging both Alec and Magnus even though she just saw them yesterday. Alec high fives Max as he says hello to him again, he’s at that age where hugs are just not cool anymore. Of course, that doesn’t include Izzy who always gets what she wants. Especially a hug from her youngest brother.

 Alec introduces Magnus to his father, Robert who is slightly more welcoming than his mother, He asks a couple of questions, attempting small talk for a few minutes before a woman comes in and says that dinner is ready. Even though Alec warned Magnus that they hire people to cook on special family dinners, Magnus is still a little taken aback as they all sit around the very well fashioned dining table. Their food is hot and waiting on their plates, and so they dig in.

 After the three course meal when they’re eating desert, Alec sets his fork down, his cake half finished. His knee is bouncing up and down from the nerves at what he’s about to say, but Magnus’s calming warm hand on his thigh stops it. He feels slightly better as he looks to Magnus who smiles softly and encouragingly. Alec returns the smile and turns back to his family, mainly his parents.

“Mom, dad, there’s something I have to tell you.” Alec says, and despite his nerves his voice is as hard as concrete.

“What is it, Alec?” Robert asks, not worried or suspicious at all. Assuming it’s something minor like a bad grade or a payment that needs done.

“Magnus isn’t my friend.” Alec says, slowly. “He’s my boyfriend.”

 Isabelle tenses, just as almost everyone in the room does the same excluding Max who doesn’t seem too bothered by the news. Maryse looks over to Alec, picks up her napkin, wipes her mouth, and says, “Excuse me. I have work to do.”

 She’s gone just like that, Robert looks to Alec and says, “She’ll come around, when she realizes of course that this is simply a fling. An experimentation in college.”

 Alec’s veins fill with anger. “Magnus isn’t a fling.”

 Magnus squeezes Alec’s leg gently, than finds his hand, holding on tightly. Robert looks doubtful to his son and then gets up, claiming he has work as well before leaving the room. Alec takes a few calming breaths as Izzy looks shocked and disgusted at what her father said.

“I’m so sorry, Alec.” She says sincerely. “I’ll try to talk to them.”

“No.” Alec says. “No it’s fine. They never liked me as much as Jace.”

“That’s not true.” Isabelle denies.

 Alec is about to say more when he catches his little brother’s eyes. He looks confused and a little scared.

“I’m sorry, Max, that you had to hear all of that.” Alec says, his chest churning with guilt.

“Are mom and dad angry that you have a boyfriend?” He asks.

“Yes, Max, but it will be okay.” Isabelle says, her hand on Max’s shoulder.

 Alec then has a thought and can’t help but ask, “Are you angry too?”

 Max’s eyebrows scrunch up in confusion. “No. I don’t care. Whatever.”

 Alec lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

 Isabelle looks from Alec to Magnus, then to Max she says, “How about we go play with your Legos?”

 Max immediately smiles and says, “Sure!”

 He runs out of the room and Isabelle follows after him, giving Alec one last sympathetic look as she leaves.

 Alec starts breathing heavily, Magnus’s hand finds its way on his back rubbing softly. “I’m sorry, love, but it’s going to be okay.”

 Alec leans into Magnus, his head on his shoulder. Magnus kisses the top of his head and holds him close.

“No matter what happens, you have me, your sister and your brother. And I’m sure that Jace will love you all the same when he gets back. Not to mention our friends, Clary, Simon, and Maia. Raphael too, as well as Catarina and Ragnor. You’re not alone, okay? You’re not alone.”

 Alec takes a few more deep breaths and simply says, “Let’s go home.”


	6. FEBUARY

 Jace was Alec’s brother in every way but blood. When Alec went off to college, Jace was still in high school, a year younger than him, the same as his sister Isabelle. After his first year of college he assumed that both of his siblings would follow him in getting a degree, but Jace didn’t want that. He said that he wanted to join the army, that he wanted to help his country, and that that he believed his place was on a battle field. That he was a soldier. Alec listened to him go on and on about it, but when he couldn’t anymore he yelled and he yelled. He told him he was being selfish, that he can’t just leave them like that. That he can’t leave him.

 They never made up when Jace left, there was still anger and pain. They were so close growing up, practically inseparable since the day Jace came. He was adopted by Maryse and Robert when he was twelve after his father died at construction site. It was an accidental death, but Jace loved him so and it took a long time for him to get through that pain. A lot of it came from the help of Alec, as well as Isabelle and later Max of course. But Alec and Jace had a bond that was beyond just brothers. Alec, when he was in his teenage years mistook it for love. The love that he thought meant that he was in love. It took him a long time to realize that’s not what it was. Ever since Jace left, Alec has always felt a hole, a missing piece. Having Magnus in his life helped, but he still missed his brother. He missed Jace.

 It was in February that they got a letter stating that Jace was coming home. That his tour was over and he would have a couple of months off before he had to go back. A couple of months to be with his family. Isabelle, Max, and Alec’s parents were thrilled with the news, but when Alec heard Isabelle say the words over the phone that night as he sat on Magnus’s bed, he felt his heart drop. He felt happy, of course, but scared and nervous. What if Jace still was angry with him? What if the unsaid apologies were not enough for him? And what the hell would he think when he found out he had a boyfriend?

 No one in his family had told him through letters. He knows this because in his own from Jace, he doesn’t talk about anything like that. Also the fact that Izzy told him he should be the one to tell Jace. His parents of course were pretending that Magnus didn’t exist, or that he meant nothing, while Max thought his new Lego set and his skills in Karata were more important. Alec can’t help but be terrified as he stares at the phone, long after Isabelle has hung up.

 “Alexander have you seen my…” Magnus trails off as he sees the lost look in his boyfriend’s eyes. He immediately walks over, sitting next to him, his hand on Alec’s jaw. “What’s wrong, love?”

 Alec shakes his head, snapping out of his stupor as he looks at Magnus. “Nothing it’s just- Jace is coming home. For two months, before his next tour.”

 Magnus smiles, unsure. “Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Yeah. I- I just… What if he doesn’t accept me? What if he thinks I’m…?”

“Angel, from what Isabelle has told me you two were and are two peas in a pod. He’ll accept and love you no matter what.”

 Alec looks up, smiling gratefully as he cups his hand over the one Magnus has on his jaw. He leans in and kisses Magnus slowly. He pulls back, but leans in for more, not that Magnus is complaining as he finds himself laid back on the bed, Alec on top of him, kissing him with a deeper passion. It gets more and more heated as Alec and Magnus search for more friction.

 Alec starts to take Magnus’s robe off of him, kissing his bare shoulder as he whispers, “I love you.”

…

 Alec was going to meet his family at the airport to wait when Jace gets off of the plane, but he has a class. It’s important he doesn’t miss it, or so he tells himself as his nerves, or anxiety or whatever get the best of him. The whole while he’s in his class he can’t concentrate, his leg bouncing up and down as he stares at the clock ticking away. He tries to write something, anything to keep his mind off of the fact that Jace is here. He’s here in New York. He’s actually here. Alive and okay. That Alec can hug him, feel that he is all put together, and not as broken as Alec was dreading that he would be.

 The professor dismisses them and Alec jumps out of his seat. He packs up his things quickly, walking fast out the door. He makes it to his dorm room in seconds. His heart is still beating widely, afraid as he realises there’s no way he can miss the family dinner tonight. That he is going to have to see Jace again. To face him. Tell him that he’s not who he thinks he is. That he has to see the looks of rejection and horror on his face. What else will he think other than that he’s ‘not right’?

“Jace.” Alec breathes as he opens the door. He’s standing in front of him, military clothes still on, duffle bag at his feet. His hair is shorter, and his facial hair longer. He turns around at Alec’s voice and breaks out into an earth shattering smile. Alec can’t help but smile back as they meet in a bone crushing hug.

“Alec, I missed you.” Jace says, still holding on.

“Me too.” Alec admits.

  They pull back and look at each other. Neither says anything for a long time, not sure what to say until Alec asks, “How did you get in here?”

 Jace smiles with that same mischievous glint in his eye. “Come on Alec, it’s me. I know how to pick a lock.”

 Alec shakes his head but still can’t help but be impressed that he still remembers how to do that.

“So what’s new?” Jace asks, sitting down on Alec’s bed.

 Alec shifts from foot to foot, the anxiety back at full force as he realizes what he has to do. What he has to say. To admit.

“I have a boyfriend.” It comes out faster than Alec intended, but there’s no look of surprise, or horror on Jace’s face. In fact he’s smiling.

“That’s great!” He says, getting up to pat Alec on the shoulder. “I’m happy for you, Alec. What’s his name?”

 Alec doesn’t know what to say for a long time, but Jace doesn’t seem to mind waiting. Finally Alec says, “You’re not- You don’t care? I’m gay, Jace. I- I like men.”

“Alec, I’ve known you since I was twelve. I know you. Of course I knew.”

“And you don’t care?”

“Why would I? Besides, I need to meet him and give him the talk that if he ever breaks your heart I’ll have to break him.”

 Alec rolls his eyes. “I’m older than you.”

“Details.” Jace says offhandedly.

 But then Alec grows more serious as he leans in and hugs Jace again, even tighter and even longer than the first time. Jace doesn’t say anything, only hugging him back.

 Later when Jace is asking what his name is and how they met, when Alec’s eyes go all love struck Jace can’t help but tease him. Secretly he hopes one day he’ll find a love like that. Because if anyone looked like that when they were talking about him, and he felt the same way, he would never let them go.

 

 


	7. MARCH

“I’m so sorry, baby.” Alec says, rubbing Magnus’s back, his arms tight around him as they sit in front of the vet table.

 Chairman Meow lays down, sedated for now so that he won’t run around or make trouble. He had been limping on his back leg for a week now, and at first Magnus thought he had just slept on it funny or that he hurt it from running up trees and chasing squirrels. A past time that he seems to rather enjoy. But when the Chairman came over to where Magnus typed away on his computer and laid down at his feet, meowing loud and painfully, Magnus knew. He knew that it was something else, something worse. He didn’t know if he could face it alone, so he asked Alec to come along to the vet trip. Alec was very optimistic and comforting, but Magnus was not, he knew something horrible was wrong.

 When the vet first looked at him he said that his bones were not broken and that he’d have to do more tests to know for sure. After some blood and other samples, they waited a few days before being called back in to hear the news. He had cancer. It started in his muscle tissue and moved to his bone, now it’s travelling to his liver, and his lungs. Pretty soon it would hit his heart and he would die, a slow and painful death. Something Magnus never wanted for his beloved cat, not ever. So he made the decision to put him to sleep. To end his suffering before it gets worse.

 He wasn’t the only one saddened by the news. Alec was too of course, the Chairman had always taken a liking to him. Sitting immediately on his lap when Magnus first brought Alec to his house. Magnus always trusted the Chairman’s judgement so he knew that this was his way of saying he approved of Alec. That he was going to be good for him. And he was right. After that he always found his way cuddling up to them both when they would be in bed. When he wasn’t with them, he was with Raphael. Not that Raphael would admit it openly, but he loves the Chairman too. They bonded a lot when he first got him. Taking turns sleeping with both of them, cuddling up close for attention and getting angry when his dish wasn’t filled. Magnus has had Chairman Meow for four years now, and it’s such a short amount of time, it’s not fair. It’s not fair.

“Are you ready?” The vet asks gently.

 Magnus nods his head, tears already starting to fall as the vet injects the needle. He then takes it out and says, “Like we discussed it will take about three minutes. I’ll give you some privacy.”

 He leaves the room and Magnus quickly has his hands in the Chairman’s fur, petting him softly as he begins to cry. Alec watches, wanting to cry himself, but he needs to be strong for Magnus. So he gently guides Magnus to pick up Chairman Meow, and then guides them to a chair. They sit down, Magnus holding the Chairman close as he continues to pet him. The seconds tick down as Chairman Meow’s heart slows, more and more until it stops. Alec squeezes Magnus’s shoulder, telling him in a silent way that it’s been over three minutes. At that, Magnus begins to sob, leaning over onto Alec’s shoulder. His face in his chest as his body wracks with tears. Alec does the best that he can to comfort him, all the while his heart is breaking for him.

…

 Magnus didn’t want to cremate him. He said it wouldn’t be right, so they found some land outside of the city where a friend of Alec’s parents owns. Alec pulled a few strings and did a couple of favours to get a small piece of that land. Enough to bury his boyfriend’s beloved cat. It takes some planning but they both end up going out there three days after he was put to sleep. The Chairman lays in a closed wooden box as Alec digs the hole. Magnus said he could help but Alec insisted that he take the time to spend with Chairman Meow. To say his final goodbyes.

 Magnus touches the box softly, his eyes filled with tears that don’t yet fall. Hr thinks about when he first got him. It was when he was walking home from the bakery down the street when he heard the sound of meowing. He followed the noise to an alleyway where a tiny ball of fur the size of his hand was curled up, eyes closed. He couldn’t have been more than two weeks old, probably the runt of the litter. Magnus has always liked cats, always wanted one and seeing this poor kitten broke his heart and at the same time filled him with determination. He wrapped the kitten in his jacket and called for a Taxi.

 He took the cat to a vet, asking for help in keeping him alive. It was a lot of work, and Magnus dedicated the better part of three months nursing the kitten to full health. When he first opened his eyes, staring up at Magnus, he knew. Magnus knew that this kitten was meant for him. He fell in love with him and took him home once he got the all okay from the vet. He became a friend and pet not just for him but Raphael as well. And of course all of Raphael’s younger siblings and his mother who adored the kitten when he brought him over. The only question was what to name him, and although it was a slightly ridiculous name, Magnus called him Chairman Meow.

“It’s ready.” Alec says, bringing Magnus out of his memories. He looks up to his boyfriend and nods his head, picking up the box. He kneels down, not caring about the dirt, grass, or bugs, and places the box gently into the earth. Before Alec can take the shovel, Magnus does. He starts off gently pouring dirt onto the box, then harder, until there is no longer any kind of hole, only a large patch of dirt. Alec watches all of this from next to him, ready to jump in if he needs him.

 Magnus takes the stake he made earlier with the Chairman’s name on it and sticks it deeply into the ground above where the dirt pile is. He stands back and Alec moves closer to him, not sure if he needs space or wants him to be close. Magnus doesn’t indicate to either, he only stares at where his cat now lies, for a long time. Finally he says, “Goodbye Chairman Meow.”


	8. APRIL

“Come on, darling!” Magnus says, holding onto his hands, pulling slightly.

 They were having a date of sorts, dinner and what was supposed to be a movie. It was a strange one, an independent film. Alec’s always loved those kinds of movies, they’re different and abstract, and leave you with a resolved feeling in your chest. So when the topic of a movie came up and Magnus insisted that he choose this time, he chose an Independent one. It’s called ‘Electrick Chikdren’ and it had a unique soundtrack that had them both bobbing their heads too. A nice rhythm that pulled at your heart strings when you finish the movie and find the true meaning of it. Alec won’t admit it, but he teared up a little. He’s not a hundred percent why though, he just knows that he did.

 Now, Magnus having found the song online, hooked it up to his speakers and was playing it loudly. He’s tugging on Alec, trying to get him off of the couch and onto the floor. To move with him, to dance. Alec’s seen the way that Magnus can dance, he’s seen the way that the music seems to cling to him. He knows that it’s something Magnus loves to do, not just at clubs or parties, but as a past time. Even as a workout. But Alec’s not like that, he doesn’t dance. He doesn’t have the best coordination and he never learned. It also doesn’t help that any party he was invited to he refused to go to do to the anxiety that would churn in his chest at the very thought. But he’s not at a party now, there’s no people around. It’s just him and Magnus.

“Mags…” Alec says unsure. “I don’t know how to dance. You know that.”

 Magnus smiles. “Then I’ll show you how, love, it’s only us here. Raphael’s out with Isabelle and Simon, he won’t be back until tomorrow by the looks of those three when they left.”

“God, Magnus, I don’t need those images.”

“I hardly said anything. Besides, Raphael isn’t like that. Now come on, let’s dance. Please, my love? You’re the most handsome and kind hearted man I know, who I love so much with his amazing muscles that hit just the right spot when…”

“Okay!” Alec yells, not wanting him to go that into that much detail, his face already heating up even though they’ve been together for over six months. “I’ll- I’ll dance. But when I trip and fall-”

“I’ll catch you.” Magnus says.

 Alec shakes his head at how cheesy his boyfriend is and relents. He allows Magnus to pull him to his feet onto the worn carpet. Magnus, still holding onto Alec’s hand with one hand, turns up the music with the other while also rewinding it. To get the full effect. He turns back to Alec and grips his hand, swaying slightly to the music, his head moving up and down to the beat. His feet move, doing some elaborate dance that Alec can’t name nor describe, but it makes him laugh in happiness all the same as he finds himself moving his body too. Not as well as Magnus, but something that could maybe be called dancing.

“Look, you’re getting it!” Magnus says, happily.

 Alec laughs. “Yeah I guess I am.”

 They dance for a minute longer, until the song starts to fade, making Alec move a little closer. Magnus meets him and their lips meet as they laugh in-between. Most of the kissing turning into laughter more than anything. Neither care though as their hands still stay linked together, the next, slower song starts to play and Magnus brings Alec closer. Alec rests his head on Magnus’s shoulder, content as Magnus does the same on his.

…

“I think I really screwed up, Alec.” Jace says solemnly as he takes a large sip of his beer.

 They’re sitting in Alec’s dorm, a case of beer at their feet. Jace deploys back out in a few days and this will be one of the last times they’ll be able to get together like this. Drink beer and talk life.

 Alec’s eyebrows scrunch together, worried as he asks, “What did you do?”

“Fall in love.” Is his simple reply as he finishes off the beer.

“Jace, what are you talking about? You’ve only been here almost two months. You have to leave in three days… How could you-”

“Clary. She’s just something else Alec and when we started this thing, we said no string attached but she’s… She’s so smart and beautiful. And amazing.”

 Alec’s heart goes out to Jace as he says, “I’m sorry. What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.” Jace says, sadly. “Tell her I love her? Ask her to wait for me? I- I can’t do that. That’s selfish of me, right?”

 Jace turns to Alec, looking for an easy answer, any answer.

“Jace, it’s not selfish, maybe it is, but if she feels the same… Then maybe it’s worth it?”

 Alec’s not sure what to say in this situation. If the roles were reversed and it was him and Magnus he could never ask something like that of him. But he wouldn’t be able to not. What he has with Magnus is far beyond just falling in love, Magnus is everything for him. Even if it’s only been almost seven months. They have a connection, he’s sure of that, a deep one. If Jace feels the same for Clary and she feels that for Jace, then maybe? But the next time Jace will be back, it could be six months to nine. That’s a long time.

 Alec sips his own beer and says as honestly as he can, “You have to try. Maybe tell her how you feel and then when you see her again… See where you both are? I don’t know. But if you love her, if you feel as strongly as you do, you can’t just let that go. You can’t.”

 Jace smiles a curious smile.

“What?” Alec asks, confused.

“Nothing.” Jace says. “It’s just, when did you become the optimist? Heart eyes and all that.”

 Alec pushes Jace lightly. “Shut up.”

 Jace only laughs and opens another beer, Alec does the same.


	9. MAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes there is NSFW in this chapter. You can skip to the three dots if you don't want to read it.

 It’s the end of the school year for everyone. The last days of May are the days of their exams. Everyone has been studying non-stop. Hardly any sleep has taken place for anyone. Energy drinks and coffee has become an essential for the group as they all camp out at Magnus’s, his being the biggest place there is and also the quietest. Flash cards, highlighters, and notes are everyone. Simon, Maia, and Clary have taken over the main room, all sharing a class. Isabelle and Raphael in the living room trying to quiz each other any chance they get. Alec and Magnus have taken up the master bedroom. It’s huge and accommodates more than just two people, but it’s perfect for spreading out notes and work. Trying to figure out and memorize certain concepts from the past semester.

 Alec is currently going over his notes for his economics class, a least favourite of his, but he does know his way around it so it’s not so bad. Magnus on the other hand, sits across the room, frustration building up as he tries desperately to learn a physics concept that seems to have no simple or easy explanation. Magnus is smart, his brain can figure out problems easily, but this? This is impossible, and his professors must hate him, is what he thinks as he slams the book down hard on the wooden floor. It gains Alec’s attention as his head pops up, looking over to see his boyfriend almost in tears from the stress. Alec immediately rushes over.

“Hey, baby.” Alec says gently. “Maybe we should take a break? Get a sandwich or something?”

 Magnus looks up to Alec, shaking his head. “No, I have to figure this out, but- God!”

“Hey, hey.” Alec says quickly, his hand on Magnus’s cheek. “Look at me.”

 Magnus breathes heavily for a few long seconds before looking up.

“It’s going to be okay. You’ll figure this out. You solve problems faster than anyone I know. Okay?”

 Magnus looks down, nodding his head as he huffs out a breath. Alec moves his thumb across Magnus’s cheek gently, a soothing gesture before he leans in and kisses him. It’s a short one, but Magnus latches on, kissing him back almost hungrily. All of his stress and frustration comes forward as the kiss deepens. Alec is a little taken aback, but after two weeks of their sex life being absolute due to studying, he’s not complaining.

“Alexander.” Magnus breathes through their lips. “The bed.”

 Alec quickly gets the message and they move towards the bed. Socks, being pulled off, belts undone as they kiss in-between, heavily. Soon Magnus is on top of Alec, pulling his hair a little roughly, but he knows that Alec likes it rough sometimes. They both do. Shirts are taken off, Magnus’s first, then Alec’s as they continue to kiss almost desperately.

“Fuck, Magnus.” Alec says as Magnus pulls Alec’s jeans and boxers off quickly. His cock is open to the air as Magnus takes off his. “Lube?”

 Magnus sighs, frustrated, but then remembers the small bottle he still has in his book bag and quickly retrieves it. He’s back on Alec in no time, his lips coming down his jaw, to his neck, to his chest, then to his nipples. He sucks and plays with one at a time as Alec moans, rutting up for friction as his cock becomes painfully hard.

“Fuck, I can’t wait, darling.” Magnus says as he lubes up their cocks, then his hand bringing them together. He sucks and bites onto Alec’s skin, as Alec’s fingernails scrape up his back, both high off of the pleasure.

“I’m close.” Alec says, between gasps as he fucks up into Magnus’s hand, alongside Magnus’s cock.

“Mmm… Me too.” Magnus says as he pumps his hand up and down harder. “Ahh!”

“God, Mags, you’re so good. Ah, so good at this.” Alec says, continuing to thrust up.

“Not as much as you.” Magnus whispers in his ear. “Come for me, Alexander, my angel. Let me see you come.”

 Alec cries out just as Magnus does, bringing them both over the edge. They ride out the orgasm, Magnus’s hand still moving along their cocks, only slower, until he stops, their orgasms receding. The endorphins remain as Magnus rolls off of Alec onto his back on the bed. They both breathe heavily as Alec leans over and kisses Magnus deeply.

“Well, that was a productive study break I would have to say.” Magnus says, smiling, then laughing as Alec joins in.

…

 After each exam there is a sigh of relief, but also a whole new level of anxiety as they all await their results, hoping that they pass. Hoping that the countless hours of studying and preparing paid off. That the sleepless nights and the new caffeine addiction wasn’t all in vain. It’s a desperate and tension filled few days as they wait. Once the results are posted online, everyone is on their laptop or phone searching up theirs. They're all at Magnus’s again, it only seemed right as they spent the better part of two weeks intensely studying. They all now look for their results together, something defiantly poetic in there, Maia would say sarcastically as she thinks about it more in-depth as she looks at her biology exam score.

“I passed!” Simon yells, holding up his phone, dancing around. “I passed all of them!”

 After that it’s like a collision course as Clary yells out that she passed too, then Maia, Isabelle, Raphael, Magnus, and Alec. They all made it. They all passed this year, the opportunity to continue on with their studies still stands. Clary and Maia are laughing as they talk about how they weren’t sure and what there score was. Isabelle, Simon, and Raphael talk about how they exceeded what they thought they would get. Meanwhile, Alec is staring at Magnus as he joins in the conversation with Clary and Maia, a happy smile on his face.

 Alec can’t believe it’s been a whole college year, just done and gone with. Two semesters, countless studies, and stress. Painful moments, happy ones, unbelievable ones. The friendships and relationships they made. The fact that most of them only have one more year. One more year and they all will be on their own paths. Getting jobs, starting careers, moving on and away. Some still going to school, but it won’t be the same.

“What’s wrong, darling?” Magnus asks looking to Alec who finds himself with tears forming in his eyes.

 Alec looks to Magnus, his hand comes up to his jaw. “Nothing. Nothing’s wrong.”

He leans in and kisses him with all the love that he has.

 They made it, right?


	10. JUNE

 Magnus let him borrow his car to pick up Max, it was nothing special, a car he got when he was much younger, but it was strong and sturdy. Since it was Izzy’s birthday Alec was going to surprise her with bringing Max along. His parents had already agreed to it, albeit a little reluctantly, so here Alec was on his way to get him. It was going to be great. Magnus planned the party, but since he and Isabelle are the greatest people he has in his life, they limited the guest list to under thirty people. Only their closest friends and a couple adults, since Max was coming along, and let’s face it, Clary’s mom and her stepdad Luke were kind of awesome. Of course Robert and Maryse couldn’t make it. Some important business at the company, but Max was more than welcome if Alec drove.

 It was a surprise so Izzy wasn’t with him, and Magnus had to finish the last finishing touches on the party. Including the food, the cake and decorations, although their friends Helen and Aline promised to help with those. Magnus was the main man who knew all of the details. Simon and Raphael were taking Izzy out to her birthday dinner date with them, mostly as a distraction until the party was set up and Alec was back with Max. Clary was with her parents picking up extra food and ice, following Magnus’s orders on everything. Maia was doing the same, choosing for once not to argue about the logistics. Alec didn’t mind going alone though, he’s always been one to fill the silences himself, and he is more of a thinker than anything. Hence why he loves English so much.

 When he finally gets to his parents’ house, the sun is just setting. He would have been there sooner but he ended up having a flat tire and had to change it. Thank the angels that Magnus kept a spare in the back, but it set him back at least forty minutes. Not a problem, according to Magnus who said the ice sculpture needed a little longer anyway. Alec, at upon hearing about the ice sculpture for the first time chose to not comment on that and simply said that he loved him and he would see him soon. Now he’s in front of the large house that he grew up in and Max is running outside, all smiles and excitement, a purple neatly wrapped present under his arm.

“Alec!” He says running over as Alec crouches down to hug him.

“Hey, Max.” Alec says, smiling at the nine year old. “Excited?”

“Yeah. Magnus said that there would be an ice sculpture.”

“He did, huh?”

 Alec must have been reading a book or writing when Magnus mentioned that if even his little brother knows about it when he doesn’t. It wouldn’t be the first time that Alec had been lost in his head, he does that a lot. When Magnus says something about it, it’s always with affection, so Alec didn’t think it was much of a problem, after all books really draw you in. Especially those that he tries to analyze, a skill from school that has stuck with him, which isn’t all that bad of a thing. He loves to delve deeper into words, the meaning behind them, the way character stick, all of it fascinates him. It’s why he would have rather majored in it than minored, but we can’t all have exactly what we want. Either way it works out anyway.

“Alec!” It’s his mom standing at the front door, she’s calling him over.

 Alec nods his head toward her than turns to Max. “I’m going to talk to mom real quick, pick which music you want to listen to. Magnus has tons of CD’s.”

 Max grins and gets in the car at lightning speed as Alec walks up to his mother who smiles.

“Hey mom.” Alec says, stiffly. They’re still not on the best of terms, especially when Alec declared that he would be moving in with Magnus for the summer.

“Alec.” Maryse says in hello. “We all picked out the present. Tell Isabelle we’re sorry we couldn’t come.”

 Alec wants to say, ‘tell her yourself,’ but instead smiles and says, “I will.”

“Good. Make sure to have Max back no later than three tomorrow. He has band practice.”

“Okay.”

 It’s almost like Maryse wants to say something else, something that’s lost beyond her eyes, but she doesn’t, instead she says goodbye and shuts the door, leaving Alec with that same empty hollow feeling. But when he turns back to the car, seeing Max playing with the dials on Magnus’s car, he doesn’t feel so empty anymore. Magnus was right before, he doesn’t need his parents to accept him, he has other great people in his life who do. Who love him.

“Ready?” Alec asks as he closes the car door, starting up the engine.

“Yeah, but we’re listening to the Styx since you said I could pick the music.” Max says with satisfaction.

 Alec laughs. “Aright, buddy, let’s get going. We don’t want to keep our sister waiting.”

 They drive away from the house. They drive and they drive for over half an hour, when Alec glances at the clock, it reads: 7:13PM. He turns back to look to Max who has fallen asleep, only to see the brightest of lights out his window, then everything goes black. His body feels like its crushing, his head in shambles as the image of a sleeping Max fills his mind. He was just sleeping. It was only 7:13PM. He’s nine years old. It’s 7:13PM. It’s…

 He hears voices.

Then he hears nothing more.

…

 Opening his eyes is painful, light blinds him as he squints. He hears voices talking, then quieting as something rustles. A hand on his right arm, a hand clutching his left. He feels dizzy and light headed as he makes out the face of his sister, Isabelle. But she doesn’t looks right. Her makeup is smudged, almost gone. Her hair messy, a sadness so deep it pains Alec’s heart as he stares at her. But there’s a smile on her lips, relief. Alec looks over to his left, Magnus is there, his expression so desperate it makes Alec’s heart clutch.

 Then it all comes back. 7:13PM. It was Izzy’s birthday party, he went to get Max and he picked the music. There were lights, so bright and then… It was all black, everything hurt and there were voices. Wait, Max! What about Max? What happened? Where is he? Where-

“Where’s Max?” He says out loud, his voice croaky as his head pounds.

 His sister bursts into tears and sits down in the chair, her hand over her mouth, the other one not letting go of his arm. He looks to Magnus for something, some kind of answer. This sinking feeling he feels. It can’t be real. It can’t be real. No. No. No. This isn’t happening this isn’t-

 Magnus’s eyes turn so very sad as he says so hesitantly, and full of sympathy, of pain, “I’m so sorry, Alexander.”

 Alec’s head lays back down as he stares up at the ceiling. His right hand finds Isabelle’s. She holds on just as tightly as he stares, as she cries. The ceiling is white. It was 7:13PM. It was Isabelle’s birthday. It…

 Max was nine years old.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is always welcome and appreciated.


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